Forgiveness is a Tough One

“Sincere forgiveness isn't colored with expectations that the other person apologize or change. Don't worry whether or not they finally understand you. Love them and release them. Life feeds back truth to people in its own way and time.” Sara Paddison

 I've been thinking lately...a lot actually, about my worst character flaw. We all have them though most of us are unable to recognize them in ourselves. I am not one of the majority with a total lack of self awareness unfortunately. I see and acknowledge every crappy thing about myself even if I would prefer to live in ignorant bliss. My most major hang up is forgiveness, I can carry a grudge like no one's business. I feel like I have been walking around for many,many years with a checklist (a.k.a. shit list) of people that have wronged me growing larger as time progresses. This would surprise a lot of people to know as most of my friends would attest to my easy going and affectionate personality. It is there though...the dark side of my heart that keeps tallies of actions I deem unforgivable. Lately though, my heart is growing weary of keeping count of all the bad things as it fills up with greater things by the day. I think the love I feel for my son has a lot to do with this. It is hard to feel hatred for anyone when you love someone else so very much. I feel as if the love I have for him washed over the negativity I have bottled inside me and made it too heavy to keep lugging around in my daily life. Does that seem really sappy? It does to me too but it also feels true. Not that I am necessarily ready to let bygones be bygones with all the skeletons in my closet yet but just that I am willing to consider it. I think I need a little more time to grow and work on myself. However, I think as my love grows for my son it will be so much easier for me to release my anger and toss it away and let karma handle the details. I think I can change into a person that can forgive if not one that can forget as well. I agree with the old saying" Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me"or as our cerebrally astute former president George DUHbya once put it "fool me once, shame on — shame on you. Fool me — you can't get fooled again." LOL! After all...you can't change anyone, you can't make them better people or change them into the people you want them to be anyway. You can only change YOURself. You alone determine who gets to take up space in your heart and mind and some people shouldn't be allowed in either...good OR bad.

“The stupid neither forgive nor forget; the naive forgive and forget; the wise forgive but do not forget.”Thomas S. Szasz

“Hanging onto resentment is letting someone you despise live rent-free in your head” Ann Landers

"Holding on to anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else; you are the one getting burned." Buddha