I'm No Martha.

Well, I've decided to change the name of my blog as of today. When I found out we would be unable to place baby boy in daycare and I would have to quit my job to care for him, I consoled myself with big dreams ala Martha. I daydreamed of fertile fields of organic herbs, fruits and veggies, a basement tricked out for homemade baby product production, sewing and crafts for sale, a storage room bursting with homegrown homemade baby food and juice and even a worm farm. Yes, I said it...a worm farm! I had grand ideas of taking a giant step to the side of the grid (not off of it but tippytoes on the edge at least) and becoming self sufficient and healthy. Unfortunately, life has bitch slapped me right back into reality! My days aren't spent with my little guy happily cooing away in a Baby Bjorn as I skip barefoot through my abundant garden picking our lunch and herbs for the evening bath. I don't slave over a hot food processor all day to make yummy organically grown all natural baby food for my little guy to eat. I don't spend the evening elbow deep in calendula I grew in my back yard making lotion to sell at the Farmer's Market on Saturday mornings. I have done none of this.

My days are spent waiting hand and foot on the world's my self important 6 month old:) There are days I don't shower until he goes to bed. Most days I don't eat until 2:00 in the afternoon. I can change a wet diaper upside down, in the dark with one hand tied behind my back without him even waking up. And you know what? I'm OK with that. I may not be changing THE world or making it a better place but I'm changing HIS world and making it a better place. So I'll just have to be content with my herb garden full of burnt up sprouts, my dinky garden plot with barely struggling plants and veggies, the basement remaining a rarely used Man Cave and buying organic baby food from the grocery store. For now, I am just excited that I have mastered the "putting baby to sleep while wide awake" skill set this past week. However, there is a new spring right around the corner and next year I'll be ready for it!

Forgiveness is a Tough One

“Sincere forgiveness isn't colored with expectations that the other person apologize or change. Don't worry whether or not they finally understand you. Love them and release them. Life feeds back truth to people in its own way and time.” Sara Paddison

 I've been thinking lately...a lot actually, about my worst character flaw. We all have them though most of us are unable to recognize them in ourselves. I am not one of the majority with a total lack of self awareness unfortunately. I see and acknowledge every crappy thing about myself even if I would prefer to live in ignorant bliss. My most major hang up is forgiveness, I can carry a grudge like no one's business. I feel like I have been walking around for many,many years with a checklist (a.k.a. shit list) of people that have wronged me growing larger as time progresses. This would surprise a lot of people to know as most of my friends would attest to my easy going and affectionate personality. It is there though...the dark side of my heart that keeps tallies of actions I deem unforgivable. Lately though, my heart is growing weary of keeping count of all the bad things as it fills up with greater things by the day. I think the love I feel for my son has a lot to do with this. It is hard to feel hatred for anyone when you love someone else so very much. I feel as if the love I have for him washed over the negativity I have bottled inside me and made it too heavy to keep lugging around in my daily life. Does that seem really sappy? It does to me too but it also feels true. Not that I am necessarily ready to let bygones be bygones with all the skeletons in my closet yet but just that I am willing to consider it. I think I need a little more time to grow and work on myself. However, I think as my love grows for my son it will be so much easier for me to release my anger and toss it away and let karma handle the details. I think I can change into a person that can forgive if not one that can forget as well. I agree with the old saying" Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me"or as our cerebrally astute former president George DUHbya once put it "fool me once, shame on — shame on you. Fool me — you can't get fooled again." LOL! After all...you can't change anyone, you can't make them better people or change them into the people you want them to be anyway. You can only change YOURself. You alone determine who gets to take up space in your heart and mind and some people shouldn't be allowed in either...good OR bad.

“The stupid neither forgive nor forget; the naive forgive and forget; the wise forgive but do not forget.”Thomas S. Szasz

“Hanging onto resentment is letting someone you despise live rent-free in your head” Ann Landers

"Holding on to anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else; you are the one getting burned." Buddha

Time Flies When You're Having Fun!

My little man was SIX months old on the 14th of this month...I can't believe it. Half of a year has just flown by in a blink of an eye. I know I'm all clichey tonight but sometimes they are just so fitting! It is incredible how much he has changed in just a month. The past few weeks he has learned to sit up for a few seconds unassisted, learned how to feed himself messily with his spoon, how to hold his own bottle and how to pull himself along with his hands though he hasn't figured out the crawling thing yet. He has also recently learned the art of deception. He now will fake cough if I'm not looking at him and then start smiling when I rush over to see if he is OK. It's a little game we like to play and I have even recently added the pantomime of CPR to it as well which he thinks is hilarious:) He also fake cries to get attention. I fell off the bed laughing one night when he was wailing away and when my husband picked him up he flashed the most devilish grin at me over his shoulder...lord I will have my hands full!

This kid has my heart really! I always feared I would have a hard time bonding with a baby but that has not be the case at all. In fact, I always preferred cats to dogs because dogs are just sooo needy and never go away(my mom still has custody of my little Chihuahua puppy from 7 years ago)! Just the thought of being away from him breaks my heart though. Hell, he is STILL sleeping in my room though I have at least kicked him out of the bed now that he is old enough to reach over and poke me in the eye when he wants to get up. It makes me sad to think about him waking up in the middle of the night cold or scared and mommy not being there to comfort him and stroke his forehead and tuck him back in. It's just all the small things he does that melts my heart. Like when he chuckles with his eyes shut when I sing "Hush Little Baby" or when he reaches his soft little hand out to stroke my arm while I sit next to him in the car or when he scoots so he is pressed against my chest while we are napping if he wakes up and we are not close by or how he holds our hands up to his face when he is tired. I never knew I could crave the affection of another person quite so much! Sometimes I feel like I could just hug him for hours breathing in that sweet baby smell. I have lost my damn mind for real.

Well, obviously I am smitten but I know this staying at home with him all day can't last forever. I KNOW I need to go back to work but I refuse to stick him in daycare for 8 hours a day. I can't imagine waking up, dropping him off all day and then picking him up at night to feed him dinner and put him to bed. That makes me want to cry just thinking about it! He has become my little companion in life since his daddy is lacking in that department! He hangs out with me while I cook and clean and run errands and go to the park in good weather and even grocery shopping! I love having him with me because everything he sees and experiences is new and that makes it so much more fun and interesting for me. Even the veggie aisle at the supermarket is fun when you are explaining all the different vegetables and colors to a little sponge of a baby! I know I am probably fostering a codependent relationship with him but I just feel like this is such a special time in his life...his first everythings and I want to be the one sharing them with him, not some daycare worker who couldn't care less if he stands for the first time on her shift. Sigh...

So anyway, aside from the heavy stuff...let me tell you about swaddling blankets:) BEST things ever! If I could only have a few items with me as a mother this would be a necessity. Early on you will want to swaddle baby for sleeping and also before being passed around from person to person. They feel secure like this and sleep better, startle less and don't get as sore from all the handling your family may want to impose on their tender new bodies. G spent his first few months in a onesie, beanie cap and a swaddling blankie and that was it! So much for cute outfits, pants and PJ's! Later on they are great to put down wherever your little drooler is playing to keep things unslobbery or to make spit up clean up a breeze. You will want to place a blankie where they sleep in case of a leaky diaper at night so you don't have to change the entire bedding set and also when you change diapers in case of a surprise shower! Also, the baby changing stations at every place I have seen them are DISGUSTING! I don't think they ever get cleaned. I bought a little fold up diaper caddy pad that rocks but before that I would pack a blankie to have to lay down on those nasty things so G would not be forced to lay in filth. They also work as a slobber wiper offer, a chew toy, sun/rain/wind block and bib in a bind. Needless to say, I have about 20 on constant rotation at all times:)

OK that's all the rambling I have in me for one evening. Night folks.

Homage to Rooster Sauce!

If I made a list of my favorite things this would DEFINITELY be on it!

Call it by it's proper name Sriracha, call it Rooster Sauce, call it whatever you like...I call it fanfreakintastic. It makes pizza perfect, eggs incredible, marinara sauce zingy, Chinese food just right, nachos, tater tots, breakfast burritos, black beans, Ramen noodles, mac & cheese, grilled cheese, cream cheese...yuuuum cheeessseeee...OH who am I kidding? I pretty much put it on anything I eat! Thank you Spice Gods for sending this our way and giving me a little squirt of heaven every time I twist the cap;)

Say hello to my little friend I like to call brunch...spicy eggs on pepper jack cheese and peppered turkey breast with Boston leaf lettuce, mustard and a healthy dose of the good stuff between two pieces of toasted multi grain bread:) Make you slap yo' mama!

I'm obsessed but at least I'm not this guy:

But hey...who am I to judge? He probably doesn't have a tramp stamp like SOME of us are still rockin' circa 1998 lol!

50 Things I've Learned So Far....

I saw a list like this on PBS today...25 Things I've Learned as a Parent and thought I'd start my own. Given, I've only had 6 months to learn about being a mommy, mine won't be as in depth yet. I think I'll write one every year though and compare notes on down the road! So here's my list of 50 things I've learned so far about pregnancy and parenting and all that lies between:

1.) Half the crap (or more) other well meaning but ill informed women tell you is untrue so research, research & research some more!

2.) OTC medicine is pretty much pointless...nothing beats a cold like hot liquids, tons of rest and a Neti Pot.

3.)Just b/c you don't have any stretch marks while you're pregnant doesn't mean they have passed you by.

4.) Your feet really can grow to the size of watermelons.

5.) Pregnancy is very hard and lonely if your partner is not involved with it.

6.) The ugly cry face is almost fatal with a mouthful of Chic-Fil-A.

7.) You may think bringing home a new baby is the hardest thing in the world but NOT bringing home a new baby is a million times harder!

8.) Every woman has a maternal instinct even if it is hidden deep down inside...trust me, if I do...we ALL do!

9.) There is damn good reason men don't give birth other than just anatomical differences.

10.) Having most people speak into your stomach and kiss it never stops being weird and uncomfortable.

11.) There is a bit of chivalry out there still...you just have to be out in public during your third trimester to discover it sometimes.

12.) Don't try to be a martyr, take the meds when offered after a c-section while you are in the hospital b/c you won't take them once you get home with baby.

13.) Pregnancy weight will not go away on it's own no matter how much you want it to and yes...you are officially overweight now that you are no longer pregnant. Sigh:(

14.) You can live on catnaps alone if you take enough.

15.) I will never poop/shower/eat/sleep/etc. in peace again.

16.) Most other mothers out there think they know more about raising babies than you do.

17.) NO ONE knows how to take care of your baby better than you do.

18.) Mothers and babies have a connection that is uncanny and verges on telepathic.

19.) The simple act of washing your hands keeps your baby the healthiest they can be.

20.) You will lose friends.

21.) You will piss off extended family if you exert your authority about your child especially the ones who have "been there and done that" and think they know everything.

22.) Neither one of these things will really matter to you any longer.

23.) You will never be more interested in poop.

24.) Babies smell good all on their own.

25.) You will do anything it takes to protect your little one...ANYTHING.

26.) The first time you look at that little face you will never love anyone more.

27.) You will never NOT have dirty laundry again.

28.) Boys will pee on you and anything else in your home no matter how careful you are so just get used to it.

29.) Your housework can wait...always.

30.) You can never have enough sheet sets or bibs.

31.) Newborn pants are pointless.

32.) It's hard to stop wearing your husband's tshirts once you get started.

33.) You will start to notice all the overt sexuality and violence in commercials.

34.) You WILL shake your bum to Chicka Chicka Boom Boom.

35.) You have forgotten the end to most of the nursery rhymes and children's songs you grew up with.

36.) Everything is more interesting through a child's eyes so get on their level...in many ways.

37.) This is the most important thing you will ever do.

38.) Your time is the greatest gift you can give to your child. (Even if it is dirty hair, sloppy clothes and no makeup time.)

39.) Just because it's what everyone else has always done doesn't mean it is right. ( A quick example: Dreft laundry detergent that everyone puts on their shower list is completely full of harsh chemicals but no one reads the ingredients b/c it is what most moms use. Same with Johnson&Johnson products...they are pretty much the worst thing you can put on your baby!)

40.) You don't need baby oil or baby powder at all.

41.) Your baby's slobber is not nearly as gross as anyone else's.

42.) Puke happens. Usually right after you have the super cute outfit on your little one and you are walking out the door...plan super cute outfit B too:)

43.) My baby's laugh makes me laugh...every time.

44.) Babies are not lumps on a log...they see and hear everything from day one so treat them like people and not like the furniture.

45.) No drug could ever replace the warm fuzzy you get from the first baby smile of the morning.

46.) Accept help sometimes but not every time.

47.) Corporate America hates mothers.

48.) Your diaper bag is not big enough.

49.) Stroller brakes are important.

50.) I have a lot to learn and to look forward to:)

Welcome Princess #2!

This weekend we welcomed Baby Talya to the family...a happy & healthy little princess! I know her big sister Rachel couldn't be more excited and in honor of the two little Fair girls I made them a couple of tees to celebrate being sisters:

A little dabbling with Power Point and iron on transfers!

A little heat & pressure!

And Presto Change-o two matchy matchy tees fit for a princess...or two!

Welcome to Walmart...shopping cart?

Ok ok...so I try not to shop at Walmart if I can help it but sometimes the lure of convenience beats out my social conscience! I mean, where else can you get and oil change, pick up your contact refill, buy a new bra and shop for dinner??? Especially being a new momma and lugging around an extra 50 (ahem) pounds of baby and baby accessories lol! All right, now that my disclaimer is out of the way...here is my Deal of the Day! :

 100% Organic Cotton 3 piece sets (shorts, one piece and, t-shirt) for $3.00 each

and

100% Organic Cotton Onesies for $2.00 each

I can't say no to a bargain!