Instant mashed potatoes...

So I wanted to keep a running tally on odd cravings I've been having lately. I figured myself for an icecream, chocolate, sweets kind of pregnant lady since those are the things I rarely want to eat. That has not been the case!! So far my odd cravings have been resembling my hangover cravings:

*Ramen Noodles (hellloooo Gordon College circa 2000-2001)
*Instant mashed potatoes...you know the kind you add water to that can double as mortar for housing projects!
*Spring Rolls and Egg Drop Soup...yum!!
*Skittles...I don't eat Skittles normally b/c they make me feel like my jaw is going to pop out of socket
*Pizza, pizza and more pizza (blast you Little Ceasars and your $5 pizzas!)
*Hot Pockets! (I feel like a 10 year old!)
*Salt and Vinegar Kettle Cooked chips...salty sour little bites of Heaven
*Bean burritos and sour cream
*Anything with cheese on it...especially baked potatoes or quesadillas
*Mayfield milk...the closer to whole milk the better!
*Biscuits, bagels, Triscuits, Goldfish, cornbread...carb carb carb!

...and that's been about it so far. Why can't I have a healthy craving that involves some kind of fruit or vegetable...sigh. I always thought I would be one of those nutty moms that would only eat an uber healthy diet of organic fruits and veggies, lean proteins and whole grains only. What happened??? I'm so disappointed in myself! :)The only good thing that has come out of this so far is I have had no cravings for beer or to smoke since I found out for sure I was pregnant. In fact, right now I would rather drink a 20oz bottle of Pepsi than a six pack of Yuengling which is unheard of for me! I cheated last night and took a sip of my hubby's soda in front of the fridge with the door wide open...I almost fell to my knees from the sheer pleasure of it:). I have had a weird aversion to poultry so far..and it took me about 5 weeks to be able to handle any meat in general again...strange! We'll see what the next two trimesters bring.

It's the end of the world as we know it!

Ok ok...I have had "start blogging" on my internal To Do list for such a long time now. I have just been so busy with life that I haven't had time to put it in words...which is crazy considering I sit on my butt at work 8 hours a day and find time to check Facebook every 30 minutes (which is all just beside the point)! Anyway, I figure there is no time like the present especially with all this new stuff going on that I don't want to forget about. So my first story I'm going to share is about what I like to refer to as "D Day" a.k.a. the day I found out I was preggers.

So, as some of you may know I didn't particularly want children...oh sure I had grand visions of adoption 5 or so years from now when I was settled down and...well...done with my own life but NOT anytime soon! We were having so much fun with our little tribe of friends who didn't particularly care to have children either that it was the last thing on my mind. We had cookouts, boating outings, drunken weekend getaways and camping trips, concerts and festivals, nights out acting like fools...you know the usual comings and goings of your typical foot loose and fancy free youngish adult crowd! Everything was awesome and we were having such a great time this summer and then I started feeling REALLY tired all the time. There were a few weeks where I would come home from work and literally crawl right into the bed without eating dinner and go to sleep. Then the stomach issues begin...gagging and dry heaving for no reason...feeling sick to my stomach all day long. Ok so some of you are saying "Ding , ding, ding...here's your sign!" right? Well, my excuse is that I was told I would not be able to conceive on my own and I was not feeling sick at all in the mornings...I mean who knew "morning" sickness doesn't REALLY mean in the mornings only? Another weird but not SO weird sympton was my vastly increasing cup size. I remember standing in the mirror one night and saying something about it to my hubby. He said "Yes, they have been getting so much bigger since you have been gaining weight." Yes...20 pounds in one year actually...thanks for noticing lol! So again...odd but not so weird that it set off sirens in my head. Obviously, I was in the denial stage. Then came the late period...dunh dunh dunhhhh. I finally gave in and bought a test after spending the previous evening swearing up and down to my family that there was NO WAY IN HELL I was pregnant while the women folk just chuckled to themselves and looked at me all knowingly. So, I come home from work and pee on this test...the second line in the window immediately shows up before I can even finish! I was literally blown away like I had been gut punched. I scramble for the phone and call my best friend and my sister but no one answers so I sit start pacing around the house in circles sobbing my heart out. Then my husband comes home and I run outside to meet him before he even gets in the door. I am choking I am crying so hard at this point and I demand that he goes back to the store and get a different brand of pregnancy test b/c obviously this one was not working correctly. He then speeds out of the driveway and comes right back home with a new test that I race inside with praying to whatever god is out there to let it be negative. Same thing again...the line shows up immediately even though I am huddled over the test still on the toilet with my pants around my ankles crying my eyes out. Anyway, to make a loooong story short my husband was ecstatic...I was not to say the least but I'm coming around. I even made him call my own mother to tell her because I couldn't even say the words. In fact, I went around saying I was "knocked up" instead of pregnant for weeks and weeks! I got so many phone calls and emails that said "Congrats...?" All I can think about now is that this is the story I get to tell my child when they ask me what I did when I found out I was pregnant. Poor baby!!! How do you make up for that lol???

By Gwendolyn Brooks

I ran across this again this week. I remember submitting it for a poetry project in high school and it is another poem that has always stuck in my mind. I think it means more to me now than it did even then.

Corners of the Curving Sky

Our earth is round, and, among other things
That means that you and I can hold completely different
Points of view and both be right.
The difference of our positions will show
Stars in your window. I cannot even imagine.
Your sky may burn with light,
While mine, at the same moment,
Spreads beautiful to darkness.
Still, we must choose how we separately corner
The circling universe of our experience
Once chosen, our cornering will determine
The message of any star and darkness we
encounter.

Bye Bye Birdie

Today my great Aunt Jane lost her will to live another day with ALS. As much as we all will miss her here on this earth, I am grateful that a beautiful lady has once again regained her dignity and peace. Our family tree has few branches so every lost bloom is even more heartfelt and shockingly apparent when absent. Though we have drifted away from that part of the family since my father's abrupt retreat to the other side of the country, they will always be ingrained in our hearts, souls and memories. So farewell Birdie, may you once again run with the sunshine on your face on those skinny legs that earned you the nickname you carried for your entire life! May your heart be free of regrets and resentment and may you forever reside in peace knowing that we all loved you, love you and will never forget you. In fact...every time I catch a whiff of acrylics and fresh cut wood at a crafts fair, I will think of you! Every time I hear a lady with a sweet southern drawl, I will remember you! Every time I close my eyes and picture you it will be with a smile and a good hearty laugh recalling all the stories about your childhood, your stubbornness and ability to agitate my grandmother like no other and your undeniable adoration for me when I was a small child and mine in return for you. Enjoy those wings you earned today, fly high and tell everyone we said we love them!

Dirge without Music
Edna St. Vincent Millay

I am not resigned to the shutting away of loving hearts in the hard ground.

So it is, and so it will be, for so it has been, time out of mind:

Into the darkness they go, the wise and the lovely.

Crowned with lilies and with laurel they go; but I am not resigned.
Lovers and thinkers, into the earth with you.

Be one with the dull, the indiscriminate dust.

A fragment of what you felt, of what you knew,

A formula, a phrase remains, --- but the best is lost.
The answers quick & keen, the honest look, the laughter, the love,

They are gone.

They have gone to feed the roses.

Elegant and curled is the blossom. Fragrant is the blossom.

I know. But I do not approve.

More precious was the light in your eyes than all the roses in the world.
Down, down, down into the darkness of the grave

Gently they go, the beautiful, the tender, the kind;

Quietly they go, the intelligent, the witty, the brave.

I know. But I do not approve. And I am not resigned.